Doing the mundane things~

Soon it will be a one year from this....read about here. It has been a year of growth and inner-contentment in so many ways. I always dreamed of a big family...many more than 3 but that was not in my life plan. There are some days that the "loss" is so raw it hurts.

My youngest is starting school this coming Fall....it brings tears to my eyes. I have been mothering for over 10 years~ now "what?".

That is how I feel...my identity...my every day has been mothering...changing diapers..cutting up cheese and cutting off the tops of gogurts...playgroups...morning snuggles and afternoon coloring....

I have two degrees and 4 separate certifications but I don't want that right now! I still want to be home in the afternoon...I want to be available when the school nurse calls or they need a chaperone. But, I am worried about the every day mundane things...doing it alone without a little hand to hold....

This is me today.

33 comments:

Jan the crazy lady said...

My youngest and second youngest are 10 years apart. I remember that time alone. It was very eye opening. I wasn't ready for the kids to be in school. I did a lot of service and volunteer work. Now, I have a part time job that I love.

It will seem weird, but you will get use to it.

a woman who is said...

Breath...you have been working hard raising your family. Life still has much whirl to come :) You will figure it out, just relax...the next steps will come to you.

Tanya said...

My youngest is starting school in the fall, and I know exactly how you feel! I'm not ready to go back to work full time again, but not sure what I'll be doing during the days.

Faye said...

I remember feeling like this a long time ago.It is normal to feel this way. This is just a loving mother!Take it one day at a time.It will all work out I promise! We are all here for you! Have a great day! Blessings, Faye

Astrid said...

I can totally understand how you feel! My youngest won't be in school full time for another two years but I feel a pang of sadness knowing that next year my older daughter will be in First Grade...it feels like it'll be such a big change.

April said...

I think we're all going through various stages of mothering, it seems. I remember all too well what it was like to send my baby, Abby, off to school. I felt so lost without her at home! The house seemed, oh, so quite. Oddly enough, though, I soon became more busy than ever! I have no doubt that you are going to do just fine, but I do understand. To think that in only a year from now, I'll be sending Brittany off to college...gets me choked up everytime! Letting go is the hardest part to parenting.

Sandy said...

Thanks for sharing your heart. Beautiful.

I get very sad as my son will be a Senior next year. I can't believe it. I just try to take one day at a time and give thanks for the blessings.

I guess I don't let my mind go there ... (yet!)

Happy Thursday!

Smelling Coffee said...

Dear Sandy Toes~ I remember feeling the very same way when my youngest went to school... And am going through it a little again now that they are both out of elementary school and dont' need their mommys during the days as much. Those are such valid feelings.

But, I know that you know that God has plenty of plans ahead of you to fill your days at home - even doing the mundane - with purpose. I caution myself and you not to let the enemy distract us or detract from us what we've been called by God to do.

Bless you, friend... I'll be praying with you as you transition in the fall...

Tara G. said...

You can always visit your old roomie; I promise I'm not the self-absorbed, immature freshman I used to be! Besides, we might be living somewhere exotic like Arkansas (which I'm excited about) next time! Seriously, I'm e-mailing you. Hugs across the miles!

Jboo said...

It's different when they're all in school! I'm sure you will be very busy and it's so fun to watch them grow and learn.

Janet

Stacey said...

Sandy, I'm a teacher too. I've gone back and forth teaching over the years -two or three year stints. I would always rather be at home. Believe me, when your kids are all at school you will still be very busy!! You can have a moment to yourself. You will be refreshed and so happy when they come home in the afternoons. It's wonderful!

I remember when both of my boys got on the bus together for the first time. I stood in my front yard and had absolutely no idea what to do. It took me about 3 days to adjust.

Busy Bee Suz said...

Hi Sandy,
I could not get the link to work, but I remember what you went through. So sorry....
I felt this way too when my kids were in school. I thought I would be bored out of my mind....yeah, that was 8 years ago. NOT ONE DAY have I been BORED by the mundane things.
I have found my day hours I use to get all my "stuff" done...errands, housework, bills, volunteering etc...then when the kids get home, I am ALL THEIRS.
Don't fret too much....I know the kind of person you are, you will fill your time with lots of good stuff.

LuLu & Co. said...

Oh Sandy Toes,
why don't you live closer to me! I need to run out the door but I had to read your post before I did so I will come back and comment longer about this very topic!!! I know how you feel! I'm a year away and feel it already!
hugs,
LuLu

Dawn said...

it will take some time... but you will find another part of yourself. i'm always amazed at how fast the school day flies by... and when my kiddos would come tramping in through the door the house became alive once again

Heather said...

Oh... I soo relate! It is the best job and the most challenging! Definitely the most rewarding! I wish they could stay little for forever!

Kim@Seasons of My Heart said...

Oh sweet friend....although this will be a HUGE change in your life...know that with each "new season"...."new blessings" appear.

You are an AMAZING Mom...you've done great so far...and as you enter this new season...(this fall)...God will open new doors for you to BLESS your precious family.

Enjoy your summer...this time...with your children...and cherish EVERY moment.

I'm thinking about this fall too...as our youngest...will be a Senior...and with that...brings many, many changes...sigh :-/

I'll be praying for you.

Carrie said...

I feel you my youngest turns 13 next week I miss having little ones so bad!

Stacey @ The Blessed Nest said...

Oh, even when they are all in school, you are still the most important thing in the world to them! Do you have to go back to work or just feel that you "should"? Even when they aren't with you during school hours your time at home isn't any less valuable to your family! Use this time to get errands and chores done so that you have lots of fun time for your family when they're with you. Also, it isn't selfish to take some time for YOU during this time and enjoy a hobby or fun group that would give you an outlet for yourself. If you do have to go back to work, see if you can just work during school hours. I know how it feels to long for another child, I do. I pray that you will find some peace with this. Enjoy your sweet blessings! :)

Jenni @ nest to keep said...

I can completely relate to what you are saying! I felt just the same when Gracie (our youngest) started kindergarten! What made it easier for me, is that it was just three hours in the morning, so I still had my "normal" day in the afternoon. There was yet another adjustment when she started first grade this past fall, and I was dreading it! I have found, though, that you do get used to it, and actually enjoy having some time to do things you hadn't any time for. It was partly hard because I had been a mom at home for a decade, and was worried about what I was going to do without any children around! But although this sounds strange, you might kind of enjoy this time to yourself, ESPECIALLY since you have been doing it for so long! Just wanted you to know I know how you're feeling! :) I hope your week is going well!

Wendy @ The Shabby Nest said...

This post makes my heart ache just a little. My youngest is only 2, I still have a few years until I send him off to school, but I identify with you.

Hang in there. You will never stop mothering them...it just shifts.

ModernMom said...

Had to comment....brand new here but..I so understand this post!
My youngest started school full time 2 years ago. Thought I would be lost all day without them home. You know what is amazing. Before long, you find your days are full. You do all the tedious boring things when they are at school. Then they get the very best of you when they get home.

jennykate77 said...

Awe, this makes me sad for you. I have a big lump in my throat as I'm typing. I haven't really had the chance to be a stay at home mom, but I still feel some of the same "growing pains" that you're feeling. It's weird to not be needed in the same fashion as you once were. Redefining ourselves isn't the easiest thing, especially when we're not ready to be redefined. Praying that God will give you direction and purpose.

*hugs*

Liz said...

Well, since I am not a mother I really don't know what to say. I can't begin to understand what that will be like for you. I am sure that it will be a very sad time for you!

3 Peanuts said...

Oh Sandy Toes, I remember feeling this way when my middle son went to kindergarten too (before Kate came home from China). I volunteered a lot at school and believe me my days were fuller than I had thought they would be...now I am back at home with a pre-schooler and I miss those days of being able to be more involved at school. Change is hard and it all goes by so very fast. Enjoy your summer:) I really like your blog.

Ruby Red Slippers said...

I know what you mean about the youngest...I am not sending my three year old to Preschool next year...because I am not ready yet...
Hugs to you today as you navigate the next steps in your life...

Anonymous said...

There are some options...you don't have to send them to school right away...as a former teacher you could teach them at home for a couple of years. It gives so much pleasure for you both and the bond is forever. We just graduated our oldest with honors and the time was so well spent. You don't have to do it for a long time but it might ease the transition for you.

Montee said...

My friend and I were just talking about this today. We were talking about when your youngest leaves the nest, do you then have to find yourself again? I don't feel like I have lost myself because my children have changed me into someone different than I was before them. I am a better person because of them. I thought I would be sad when Britnee went to college, but instead I was so excited for her to begin her next journey. I did become a little sad while I was re-doing her room and came across some old pictures. I still miss her when I am doing something alone that we used to do together. Next year Brett will graduate. I am not sure how that will be since he is the baby. It may be a little harder, but I think I will also be excited for him. I can't wait to see what my children will become. I also look at all of this as a new journey for my husband and me. After almost 20 years of having to be seperated for months at a time because of his job, we will be together most of the time. Now that will be something to blog about! You will be fine. When Brett started kindergarten, I was busier than ever and haven't slowed down since. Ha, and people told me I would get bored when he started school!

Kacey R. said...

Oh Sweet Sandy Toes ~ I want to hug you and tell you it will all be OK. I know the transition will be hard. I have a few years yet, and it is something I still can't think about without stressing. It's because you are a loving & wonderful Mom. If it helps, I just think about all of the things I CAN do during the day that will be fun to prepare for those little hands when they get home. You'll stay busy with field trips, volunteering at school...fun things still centered around the kids but you'll have some additional time to start thinking about yourself. It will be an evolution, but one that will benefit you and your sweet kiddos.

{{BIG HUGS}} Kacey R.

Emily said...

Oh my, that is hard! I will be there soon and I'm sure it will be hard to get through. I'll have to find things to keep myself busy. Maybe I'll finally have a clean house?

theArthurClan said...

I am at the exact same point as you...my youngest heads off to full-day Kindergarten in the fall. A major part of my identity will be going with him. :(

I am trying to be positive about it though. I'm looking forward to possibly starting my own photography business, using my photography in volunteer ways at the school more, etc. Doing things that I haven't been able to do because of lack of time.

I definitely want to remain at home for them though. Maybe my house will be clean more often. More homemade meals. More time to sit down one-on-one with them since I'll be able to do work while they are at school. :)

I think it will end up being a very good thing...but it's so hard to see that clearly right now.

Angela said...

Oh, you made me cry. I worry so much about that day. I am having a nostalgic day anyway, and you just set me off. I pray it gets easier and your days are full when the children are at school!

Anonymous said...

Take time for yourself, before you know it they will be teens and you'll need the rest. Teen time can be almost as demanding as young children just different stuff, trust me, you'll be refreshed and ready.

chickadee@afamiliarpath said...

i imagine it will be hard for me too when that time comes. though since i don't send mine to school, it seems i have them always. but i know how it feels to want another baby and not have one. though i did get this last blessing, i feel it was an incredible blessing since few people have a baby at 38.

maybe adoption? i bet there are other babies who need you as much as you need them.