Be Here

Today, I was putting up a bulletin board at my kid's school and an unusual "wave" of guilt came over me. After, I had already spent two hours at a parent association watching "young" moms come into the meeting with young children. Feeding them snacks, keeping them busy all while trying to listen to a speaker talk about homework and goals.

There I was- just another day "volunteering"...something I really love and enjoy! But, it hit me like a lead balloon came crashing down from the sky..."I don't work!". I have no more kids at naps that tie me bottles to toddler kindermusic to attend. Just me! I have NOT one regret for staying home all these years...NOT ONE! My husband and I made that decision before I ever gave birth. Looking back we have sacrificed...many, many things like vacations, new cars, bigger house, new furniture etc....! Right now, we continue to sacrifice for me to stay home. Honestly, I feel that "sacrifice" (it's a good sacrifice) more than I ever had. I am facing bigger things like braces and tuition.

A new mother in our culture is faced with the huge decision in returning to work vs. staying home. That HUGE decision comes again when they are all in school. But, as a new mom you still don't know what you are missing just's all haven't felt the "years" pass by. But, after that last one walks through that classroom and you have been home all these years can look back and then look ahead and realize "time" is so precious.

So here I sit with the dilemma to either get on or just continue to make the conscious choice to "Be Here". At least, "be here" the way I want to "be here".

When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw you hang up my first painting on the refrigerator, and I wanted to paint another one.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw you feed a stray cat, and I thought it was good to be kind to animals.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw you make my favorite cake for me, and I knew that little things are special things.
When you thought I wasn't looking, I heard you say a prayer, and I believed there is a God I could always talk to.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I felt you kiss me goodnight, and I felt loved.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I LOOKED....and wanted to say thanks for all the things I saw when you thought I wasn't looking.

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Ruby Red Slippers said...

I thought this was very thoughtful-
I never thought I would go back to work, because I feel so strongly about being a stay at home mom.
(It was one of the first conversations Tin Man and I had about kids-and we agreed on it-)
However, as you know, I went back to work this year after a 10 year break. The ONLY way this has worked for me is that I am with my kids at their school. We are spending more time together than ever, and I am thankful this is the way it worked out. I think I would not be at all happy working--but I fell into the most perfect situation, sometimes I can't believe it...
I agree, "Be Here". That is the best thing we can do for our kids-

Dot O said...

This was a sacrifice I'd make all over again given the chance. I am so glad I was home with the kids, and able to volunteer up at school for everything that I did. I, however, have also been privileged to work from home and although the money's not great, it's still something. We figure vacations will return for us after we pay college tuition - and that's okay with me.

Beautiful post!

Amanda D said...

I love this post. I agree - it is a sacrifice. And for me, it's a sacrifice that we will make long after all the kids are in school all day. Because you never know when your child will get sick and need you home. And, IMO, they need you home more when they are older (but they wont admit it!).

Debby@Just Breathe said...

Being a stay at home mom is a wonderful thing. Even when the kids are all in school it is important for you to be home when they get there.

Astrid in Bristling Acres said...

I also think a lot about this issue. I'm currently a sahm and sometimes I think it'd be nice to enter the workforce....however I feel very strongly about being there for my girls when they need me. It'd be ideal if I could end up with a part-time job at the girls' school but that isn't likely to happen. Some days I'd love to have a tiny bit of income to spend on fun, frivolous stuff.
Good luck!

April said...

Now that Brittany if off at college and Abby is an 8th grade, I struggle with whether or not the time has come for me to enter back into the work force. HOWEVER, with my being home, I'm still available to take Abby to dental and doctor's appointments, I can be here to take care of her when she's sick...I'm simply HERE whenever the need arises. I think that brings GREAT comfort to kids these days, regardless of how old they become. They never grow out of needing their mom. So, we've made the decision that home is where I will continue to be. I wouldn't have it any other way.

Joanna Taylor said...

My mom happened upon your blog and directed me here, telling me that you expressed some of the very same sentiments she carries in her heart. As I've become a mother I have been blessed to stay home with my own four children. I often think back on my own mother and am grateful for the sacrifices she and my father made in order for her to be home with all 6 of us. And we didn't make it easy on her. Debbie, thank you for touching her heart, and for also touching mine.

LunaMoonbeam said... I'm a SAHM, with a four year old and a two year old. Life's "busy", and you're's a job. I also teach a few hours of piano lessons each week.

I am not sure what I will do when the kids are back in school. We've never considered living on two incomes...but my husband has mentioned (joked?) several times that once the kids don't need me HERE all the time, I should get a job at Pottery Barn. We hear employees get a great discount. ;-)

Thanks for stopping by LoLo Life!!