Forgiving myself

We had a scary incident with my daughter who has a REALLY bad nut allergy.  It was Sunday afternoon and I have been trying to make Sunday "lunch/dinner" a little special.  We have been eating in our dining room instead of the kitchen table and I might light a candle or something little.  I made a new recipe and dessert.

Sitting down all together, my youngest started eating the main course and she  mentioned how much she loved it.  We were eating and I saw that my daughter was pulling on her ears but I didn't really think anything.   After a couple of minutes, she said she couldn't hear and they felt plug.  I immediately thought some type of allergy so I got up and looked at a couple of ingredients that I cooked with and they all seemed safe.  I went back to her and she said her stomach hurt and she was getting hives down her face.  I went back and checked a basil mix I used and read the label--It had cashews in it!!

There are no words that can explain the pit in my stomach as I read that word---CASHEWS! I whispered to my  husband that she just ate nuts and what seemed like hours but really it was seconds- made a quick decision with the epi-pen in hand to drive to the ER.

By the time, we got there...walking through the door...she was having an anaphylactic situation.  They took her so fast that I was standing there in the dust...filling out paper work and completely a mess! They completely took care of her and I have never been so thankful for steroids and doctors!!! We were there for a lonnnnnnggg time which was fine with me.  There is always concern for a secondary reaction after the initial one so I felt completely good sitting right there!

After her "symptoms" subsided and the swelling went down....I hugged that little girl so many times and I think I apologized to her a hundred times!

Late into the she is MUCH MUCH better...a little hyper THANKS to the steroids and ready to go home!She was super silly and was talking like "Minnie Mouse" but I'll take it! Yes, that is a sick bag and she used them but this was a clean one and it turned into her "hat"!

 She is doing great now.  I read labels twice and sometimes three times and the thoughts of just bunkering down at home cross my mind every once in a while b/c I don't want to go through that again with her....but we are thankful! Forgiving myself is the hardest....I am always careful in crossing my "T's" and dotting my "I's" but lately in many things I am realizing that this is not's a humbling lesson--that's for sure!